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10 Reasons Why Couples Argue And Fight

Conflicts are usually due to recurring problems and it is convenient to know how to manage them

 


 

Every couple is different and communication between its members depends a lot on the social skills of each of them: empathy, active listening, positive reinforcement, and so on. It is true that there are a thousand topics that can cause arguments, but today, we have collected the ten major reasons couples argue and fight, and in a more recurrent way.

10 common reasons couples fight and argue 

 

 

1. The family of origin 

 

The origin of the family of him or her is a frequent subject of discussion, especially in couples who have just started and have to create the first rules and habits couple: You must decide whether we go at Christmas home of a family or other, what things can be said or done in each house, and so on.

 

2. Money Palaver

Arguments over money appear throughout the history of the couple: it does not matter how old they are or if they are married, and it does not matter how many years they have lived together. This is why it’s recommended to create some initial rules on how we want to carry the financial part.

What’s less conflictive, keeping separate accounts or a joint account?

Well, it depends. There are those that maintain separate accounts and each one takes care of certain expenses.

On the other hand, there are also those who put both salaries in common and administer it together. Either system or other in-between will do the same.

There is no better model than the other, the important thing is that both members of the couple feel satisfied and comfortable with the decision made.

 

3. Work and Career

 

In many couples, beyond who earns more, the discussion can come from the side of who has a more important position at the work level and that makes them dedicate more time to their professional career than to life as a couple and family obligations. The imbalances in the workplace and home generate many tensions in the couples.

 

4. Children and Wards

 

Discussions regarding children are inevitable and necessary to agree on fundamental issues such as education, permits, and limits. Since two people are involved, there will be differences and it will be necessary to negotiate. It is logical that differences arise because each one comes from different families, with different values ​​and perceptions.

How are these issues negotiated when the couple is separated? The negotiation is valid both for couples who live together and for those who are separated.

As the children grow up, they have different problems. First is schooling, then outings, money, etc., and each of these dynamics requires the couple to agree and generates tensions.

 

5. Housework

Arguments over domestic obligations are inevitable, but what we can control is how to address discomfort. We always have to try to convey a positive demand, not a reproach.

And what would be a positive way of putting things? First, we have to describe the situation; second, say what we feel; and, thirdly, to propose how it could be solved.

Not to think that the other would have to realize it or know it if we do not tell them. The other may not realize it, even if it is obvious.

 

6. Jealousy

When are they normal and when can they destroy the couple? In every relationship, a dose of jealousy means an interest in the other, an interest in caring for someone whom we consider valuable. But when jealousy becomes exaggerated or unhealthy, it ends up destroying the relationship.

How can we prevent them from ruining the relationship?

Since the beginning of the relationship, it’s important to try to give rise to demands that cause an attempt to control; limits have to be set very well.

 

7. Free time and Attention 

Why weekends or holidays can be a nightmare for the couple? In general, there are many discussions in relation to what to do when we have free time and how much time is spent with the partner or the family and how much time we spend with ourselves.

In a couple’s life, there must be space for oneself and shared space. If everything is shared, one of the two is being canceled, or even both. If they only meet at a point that does not touch, then there is little contact. The line between excess and disinterest is sometimes very fine. Therefore, the balance is not easy.

 

8. Attempts to change the other

If we choose someone for what they are, why then do we want to change them, afterwards? Couples therapists often say that people separate for the same reason that they fall in love. 

Many times, we choose the opposite, someone who complements us and, therefore, fascinates us. And, while we do not live with that someone, it is easy to admire their different traits, but when we generate commitment and involvement, we begin to wish that things were different. At this point, it’s a must to be clear about what the other is like and not expect a change.

 

9. Trivial topics and details 

 

 

Arguments about the smallest and most trivial topics such as sex mistakes  and finance management are very frequent. These fights reveal power struggles, inflexibility, and intolerance. The details say a lot about the consideration you have for the other.

But is it worth arguing over these details? They are worth talking about, because they are things that bother us and that upset the relationship.

We always have to follow the rules of raising the issue in a positive way, in the first person and not as an accusation, and making it clear what our proposal is or what we need.

 

10. The need to win or be right

 

 

When is it better to stand up, and when is it better to say “not worth arguing” in a conflict? It is important to talk, but you have to be careful when raising the discussion.

Many times we want to convince the other that we are right, but we should ask ourselves if we really want to solve the problem or simply win the other.

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